I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
