dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
