Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
