can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
