The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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