As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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