he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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