hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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