If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
