He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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