I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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