So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
