I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
