Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
