The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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