I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
