I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
