Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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