i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
