Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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