It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There r osticjed everywhere
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
