i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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