I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
