hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
