She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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