How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
