She's JV to your varsity
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
