have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
