My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
