How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We don't watch enough power rangers
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
