why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
