My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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