I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
did i just pee glitter
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
