the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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