Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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