At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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