Just took my morning after pill in the library
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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