I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
