You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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