just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
