just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
