I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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