she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
