the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
