even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
