I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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