How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
