3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
