i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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