someone get that fucking seahorse.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
