is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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