Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
