Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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