The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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