this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
