Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we're so committed to being not committed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
