She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
