You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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