does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
