He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize