We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
