Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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