At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize