my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize